i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
