god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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