I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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