So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
