Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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