i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
