just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
