Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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