I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
