Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
