hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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