I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
