he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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