he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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