he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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