I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
