I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
