and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
