I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Green mimosas i think yes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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