I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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