Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wow bdsm is so cute
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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