Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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