Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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