Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
