im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
