Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I could make wine with my vomit
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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