I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
