I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
