First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
