why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
