I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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