By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
