god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
