Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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