I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
