i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
