I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
