Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
