I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
