Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
