Your tits are I can't wait for
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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