I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
