My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
