Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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