My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sacagawea was the original milf.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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