ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
