ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Green mimosas i think yes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
