So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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