I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
