New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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