even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
