the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
