Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
