I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
