Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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