hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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