I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
