i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You are a genius and a whore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
