It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
