Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
