Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize