omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
