Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
