The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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