I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
